So I went to Randy's old apartment to pick up the laptop he left behind. I was a little leery of doing this, knowing the condition he left the place in, I was worried about running into an angry landlord out for blood looking for anyone connected to the son of a bitch that left him with the awful job of disposing of a refrigerator that had been off for last month or so, with food still in it. What I found was a friendly old chap named Steve. I told him I was a friend of Randy's and that I needed to pick up a few things, specifically a laptop that he had left. Steve asked me to come outside, he said he was tired of the smell. He asked my name, I told him. He asked if it was true that Randy had lit out to Alaska. I told him that was true. He said I could go on in and take whatever I could find. I went to Randy's bedroom looking for his laptop. Sadly it was not there. Steve had come inside with me. His mood was best described as perplexed. Steve just couldn't wrap his head around the concept of someone leaving an apartment in such a state. I can't say I much disagreed with Steve. Broken beer bottles littered the floor. Closets were left half full of clothes. Blankets, a door mat, old mail, dishes in the sink, old porn videos on the floor. A stereo sort of half boxed up. There was a bed frame, but no bed. I was tempted to take a few things that I could use around the house but I didn't want to seem like a looter, leaving Steve only with the detritus. Steve told me that the Goodwill had been by earlier, but didn't want anything, the place smelled too badly they had said. Steve expressed regret that he had entered the apartment without prior notice but that the neighbors were complaining about the smell and that he had suspected that someone, or something had died inside. He described to me that the refrigerator had "blown up." I'm not sure what he meant, but I'm quite sure that whatever had ended up growing inside that fridge was capable of breaking free in a dramatic escape attempt possible resembling an explosion. When I told Steve that I didn't see a laptop, he said he didn't know nothin about no laptop but that there was a computer monitor in the closet. No thanks. Steve had funny way of continuously looking around, as if surveying a war zone and seeing some of his best friends splayed out, limbs in places they shouldn't have been. His expression said to me, "I've seen some fucked up shit...but this...". The question he kept repeating verbally was "why". As in, "why would he leave this..." why "would he leave that...". I felt bad for Steve, he had quite a bit of work ahead of him. I told him I had a pick-up truck and that maybe I could swing by later in the week and pick some stuff up. It wasn't true. I'll never go back there again. I took down Steve's number and told him that I would asked randy to give him a call. I think Steve wanted a call back, more than anything just to have that question answered.."why". Just as I was leaving Lauri had finished getting Randy' mail, a foot high stack of bills and magazines like Forbes and Car Craft. Lauri said she wanted the lamp she had given Randy back. So I went back in, only to find Steve still standing there surveying the carnage, shaking his head.
Sorry Steve, there is only one answer to this conundrum and you missed him by six days.
Epilogue
I never did find Randy's laptop and I noticed right away that Steve was wearing Randy's Alaska baseball cap, and I had for a minute suspected that Steve had helped himself to the laptop. Happily, I found out that Randy's aunt had beat me there and collected the laptop, so it's on it's way safely to Alaska.
8 comments:
I'd like to go back and grab all the things i suckered myself into buying for that apartment. especially when i super suckered myself into cleaning it while Randy was on his long trip to the east coast. but its true, the apartment is in such a state that i can't even wrap my head around it. i'd loose sleep. but i bet if you asked Randy, he'd say "ah c'mon, its not that bad". aaaahhh!!
NO it is that bad. I do not remember the broken beer bottles though?
Randy - you are my hero.
That’s disgusting (did you take pictures?). Come now, at least empty the fridge. It makes me get philosophical. One can see how delicate society is. “Surely I’ll rent to this man, he’ll pay rent and then move out… or not.” What keeps us all from doing what randy did? Does it keep us human? For me it’d be the smell. That place must have been sick. Other than that, fuck it I guess.
How do you forget your lap top?
Whats your security deposit? There's about three thousand of my dollars sitting in my landlord's bank account. I think I'll clean up a little before I move out. Infact, horror stories like randy's are the reason security deposits are so high. When I paid my security deposit, I though, there is no way I could even do this much damage to an apartment. Now I know I could.
I think ours was $1000. I had a landlord in San Diego try to take our entire deposit because of the broken pipe in the back yard. We moved out in the middle of our lease because the house was a POS. She decided not to tangle with the UCSD lawyers and gave us back the majority since I had tape of her message on our machine saying that she had come into the house without 24-hours notice.
this narrative begs for a strip.
AJ, it all yours take it and run with it.
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