Merry Christmas!!!

The Plot Unfolds

Something has just become clear to me. The 1981 BBC Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy tv show just became available for instant viewing on Netflix. Being a fan, I started watching it tonight.
What has become clear is that the recent movie was based, not on the book really but on the TV show. They took the look and even the musical score right from the TV show. Now there is nothing wrong with that per se, because Douglas Adams wrote the TV show as well as the book. But for me, the directors of the movie might have taken a shot at a fresh look and interpretation of the material instead of pretty much ripping off a 29 year old TV show.

IT Support This is Randy

That is how I answer the phone at work. Now I know I pissed some people off something fierce the last time I said I was gonna post something and then flaked with nothing to write about and not even trying which is what pissed off one so much. So since then secretively I have been working on something. Now you may not like but at least now you cannot yell at me for not trying.
Here you go a little list I call IT Support:

Before we interact, I'd like to share some thoughts with you:

* I am here, simply put, to fix your shit. My job is not complete until said shit is fixed. Please just help me fix this shit.

* With that out of the way, know that I hate you exactly as much as you hate me. No more, no less. If you are at least relatively pleasant, I'm happy to help you- even to make small talk as I attend to the issue at hand. Conversely, if you are a total and complete jackass, I will make this the worst 10 minutes of your week.

* Neither I, nor any of my coworkers, are out to fuck you. We are not idiots. We are college graduates in technical disciplines, the vast majority of whom are here to work their way up the IT ladder to more fulfilling positions. Sometimes we have off days, sure, but we know EXACTLY what we are doing. Note that this does not apply to anyone outside of our department. They are, in all reality, idiots who are out to fuck you.

* So you've already unplugged the "internet box" and plugged it back in? Brace yourself; you're going to do it again. Most of the time I do this for a reason...unless you're a dick then I do it to see how mad it makes you.

* To those who think they are "computer illiterate": The vast majority of the time, you are lovely people: Patient, willing to learn, and most importantly, willing to listen. Thank you!

* To those who think they are CompSci PhD’s: The vast majority of the time, you are retarded: If you already powercycled your equipment and it didn't work, why did it work when I made you do it again? If you are so well educated, stay the hell out of the queue so that people who need help can get it.

* Supervisors don't have a magic wand that they can wave to make everything better. They use the same utilities as I do. In fact, supervisors are more likely to tell you to fuck off- believe it or not, they have other pressing issues to attend to. If a server goes down, they WILL put those 200 stores before yours in Priorityland.

* Threatening to call your DM does not intimidate us. We have an entire department that is paid to care about that, which means that I don't have to. Harsh? Sure, but I have more than enough work to do fixing shit, yelling at field techs, following up on cases, and explaining the concept of email passwords to your sales associate that it won't cause me to lose any sleep.

* It worked fine yesterday? Oh, then I must be wrong. Let me reconsider the 40 minutes I spent troubleshooting your WinXP box. Check it out: Shit breaks (see point 1); If shit did not break, I would be mowing your lawn instead of sitting in this office.

* Speakerphone? Turn it the fuck off.

* Don't call back and have another rep troubleshoot the same problem. He will read the notes I left about how you spilled coke into your keyboard. Even if he didn't, he would come to the same conclusion, and more people with undiagnosed problems would be stuck listening to that god-awful hold music.

* I am not just saying it to say it when I say that I understand how frustrating it is to wait on hold, get transferred, and deal with bad agents. I too have called Dell's tech support line. The difference is that I actually DO care about your problem, so please just calm down before I kill your family.

* My company has over 2000 POS machines in over 400 stores. I handle you in the order your call was received. To this day, none of them have ever called in to say, "I just wanted you to know that my shit is working correctly."

So what can I help you with today?

Two Things of AW

If you have netflix rent Spaced: the Complete Series. Its AWESOME.

Do not, under any circumstances, see the new Day The Earth Stood Still its AWFUL.

Christmas Songs

Recently Pete posted a list of Christmas songs. He, however, somehow neglected my favorite Christmas song (Christmas wrapping by the Waitresses is at the top of my list). So, Check it out. The video is cheesy (made in the 1992, what can you really expect), however anything can be made better when you can include a little person and dress them in an elf costume.

What I haven't told you is...

I bought a new beanie!

On Thanksgiving...

We stood around a deep frying turkey. And it was good.

The pledge held strong

I don't want to make a big deal out of it, but I didn't drink at all this week. The last drink I had was last Saturday night. I managed sleep through the night 5 nights out of 7. No telling what tonight holds, but its a Sunday and thats always been a bad night for me. Some changes I've noticed is the ability to think more clearly, the ability to motivate myself, the ability to see the bright side of things again, and the ability to read more than a paragraph at a time without losing complete interest. The downside is that, its hard to find social activities that don't present temptation. I'm not going to say here that I've quit drinking forever, but I will say that this period of sobriety will last as long as it needs to. I've noticed that over the past year, I've had trouble regulating how much I drink at a sitting. Not that I get rip roaring drunk at a sitting, but the calorie intake has to be huge. Anyway, I don't want this to be downer or anything, just thought I'd keep you all updated.

Country Son

PAC-MAN!!!! At last, someone my countrypeople can look upon with genuine pride. No more "Rob Schneider is half-Filipino" and "oh really? He was Deuce Bigalow!" or "I think Phoebe Cates is half-Pinay" and "oh the chick who got naked in Fast Times?"
No more. Last night Manny Pacquiao defeated the Golden Boy. Naw man, he creamed Oscar de la Hoya. Maybe Oscar should spend less time prancing around in fishnets and more time training. Moreover, he should retire. Pac-Man made him look like a complete pussy in the ring.

8 Songs Of Christmas

Here are 8 Christmas Songs you should be listening to but probably aren't

12 Days of Christmas- John Denver and the Muppets
That was the worst Christmas Ever! - Sufjan Stevens
Christmas (Baby Please come home) - Joey Ramone
Don't Shoot me Santa - The Killers
Christmas Wrapping - The Waitresses
Here it is Christmas Time - Old 97's
A Christmas Duel - THe Hives and Cyndi Lauper
It's Christmastime an Every Thing's Wrong - Man of Arms

You're Welcome

Ummmmm...yeah

So remember when I said I would be making a triumphant return and that you would all be blown away. I probably shouldn't have said anything because now you are probably expecting something. I mean anything. Unfortunately as is a habit of mine I jumped in without thoroughly thinking my plan through. Because truth be told I got nothing. Now I am going to try and entertain you because frankly that is the only way I will keep myself from gouging my eyes out working this unbelievably heinous shift that I got saddled with today.
Wow writing is hard...

Triumphant Return

Tomorrow I will be making a triumphant return to the world of blogging. Be prepared to be blown away.