little house on the prairie

here's a picture of the house matt and i are buying. it's not little... but it is on the prairie. it's a bit rough now but it'll be amazing when we're done with it! i'll post updates of our remodel.

Back with a wimper

It's hard to follow up a good post. Randy's rampage got a lot of buzz and I wanted to continue the trend but I didn't know how. I couldn't keep up the "Randy does something unexpected" theme forever. Anyway, thats the mostly the reason for the long silence. That and the fact that I singlehandedly opened a new convention center (at least thats how it will read on my resume). Oh yeah, and I've fought off the Ebola virus once again. Still I have had several things on my mind that I think are worth sharing.
Number One:
I've decided that if I could be in any band at time throughout history, it would be Creedence Clearwater Revival.
Number Two:
I saw Watchmen on opening night and it was everything I hoped it wouldn't be. It was just okay. Besides changing the ending which I thought was a cop out, it hit all the major plot points and cut out all the subtlety and layering. Zak Snyder did nothing with the source material that could not have been done by any run of the mill hack director. However, I actually think it disappointed me enough that I'll never watch it again and stick to reading the book every few years.
Number Three:
I wish reality TV of any kind could be uninvented. I have nothing against midgets, drug addicts, fat people, people trying to buy, sell or improve thier homes, people trying to become or remain famous, I just wish I could not see those particular people on TV ever.

Is that not the cutiest fucking thing you've ever seen in your life?

A special present for Pete

I've never met someone so dedicated to the fine art of swearing like Pete. He's the only person I know to have judged a movie for not having enough use of the word "fuck". In his honor, I present to you every swear ever used in the entire run of the Sopranos:



the sopranos, uncensored. from victor solomon on Vimeo.

The latest:

Matt celebrated his 32nd birthday on Monday - we had a good old fashioned birthday party (as evidenced by the cake). Just look at the excitement on his face! My parents and I went in on a Wii for Matt... we haven't spent any quality time together since!

Closing day was changed to March 5th - less than two weeks from today. So now we start packing up our life. I took the dogs out this morning and wondered, "What if I just left all this poo in the yard?" Thank God I worked at Uline - we were able to get a ton of stuff for cheap.

I guess that's about it. Matt's back from Vegas tonight (business, not pleasure). Alice went to the vet again yesterday - she has a going problem that's becoming a growing problem. But she's on medication for a couple weeks - I'll let you know how she's doing (Lauri).

Top 5 Singers

Cuz we haven't done one in a long time I thought we could do another Top 5 but this time list the sexy sirens who melt your heart with their voices:

1. Leona Lewis - A sexy british girl who has a nice body, writes her own songs, has a sexy british accent . . . oh she can sing good too.
2. Britney Spears - After absence from the Top 5 she jumps back in with her hot bod and her catchy pop ditties.
3. Katy Perry - Am I the only one that finds her very sexy? She admits she kissed a girl and she liked it. By the way Maxim said they longed for her a bi -curious preacher's daughter who looks like she should be painted on a B-52 bomber. I agree.
4. Hayley Williams (of Paramore) - Any girl who can yell and rock out is hot.
5. Taylor Swift - Hottest Country singer out there who's also making counrty wildly popular (but Randy might think otherwise).

Yep...

We're moving to Indianapolis! Here's what'll probably be the last pic of our house. And I think Matt was feeling left out of our blog so here's a picture of him today too... lol.

News..

Since Sheila has been posting and commenting on the blog lately, i figured I'd spill the beans on her news. (sorry Sheila if ya didn't want me to tell). Sheila and her husband Matt are moving to Indiana in a month. Matt is originally from Indiana, so they'd be moving back close to his family. Enjoy house hunting and keep sending pics of the kids (aka Rudy and Alice)!! And don't forget to blog either! :)

Rudy

And here we have Rudy by the fire - her favorite place to be!

Alice

Just for the record, I don't usually dress my dogs in sweaters. She seemed to like it though!

Jeff and Randy Fought, the Raccoons Won

This isn't how I wanted it to go down and I tried to stop him, I really did. But the fact is that Jeff caught a beat down last night and Randy was the one who did it. Well, Randy and the Raccoons.
After posting about the Applebee's incident last night I thought I'd better check on Randy, as I read the story back to myself I realized that it had been a long time since we'd had a night like that and Randy might have been feeling a little...on edge. When I got to his house, Jeff had already commented on my post. See the comments on the post below to see what he wrote. Randy, to say the least, was not happy. When he answered the door, he didn't even say hello, he went right into it.
"What's with this motherfucker!?"
"Wha?"
"Jeff's comment on your post! Doesn't he know I ain't to be trifled with? Especially after last night?" He said as he pointed to the open laptop on his desk. Reading Jeff's comment, I could see why Randy was so pissed, but I tried to diffuse the situation.
"That's just his sense of humor..."
"Fuck that! Lets roll."
I shrugged, as I followed him out the door and out to his car I figured that was it. A few beers and a few laughs and everything would be back to normal. But in the back of my mind I could see that a switch had been thrown in Randy's brain. For me, looking back on Taken, I think it was the sheer banality of the movie that really got Randy's hackles up. A person can only take so much mediocrity before he decides he needs to become the shrieking banshee howling over the mind numbing din. As we got his car, I asked Randy where we were rolling to, he said, "we are going to settle the score."
"Not Dave and Buster's again," I said, "I beat you at Time Crisis 20 fucking times now and it ain't gonna change tonight."
I could barely see his eyes as he looked over at me in the dark car, but what was unmistakable was that knowing smirk as we pulled away into the night. When we started heading west instead of east, I knew we were in for a long night.
"where we goin' man?"
Randy changed the subject.
"I hope Watchmen is either really good or really bad, because if its just so so, I think I might lose really lose it." He was so matter of fact, as if he hadn't just really lost it last night, laying waste to the poor food service workers who didn't make it through the Chili's hiring process.
"You'd rather it was bad than just okay?" I knew what he was getting at, but I wanted the conversation to play itself out.
"of course. If it's terrible, we can just forget about it, move on, never watch it again and go back to reading the comic. But if its just okay, we'll watch it over and over again, wondering why it doesn't really work. Every time it comes on cable we'll sit there, turn our brains off and wonder what went wrong and the next time we read the comic, all we'll be able to concentrate on is how easy it would be to just watch the shitty movie and fast forward to the parts we want to see."
It was the same reason, I haven't read Lord of the Rings in 6 years. I'm still waiting for Viggo Mortensen to get out of my brain. By this time, the reality was starting to set in, Randy was clearly unstable and I had no idea where we were heading. We rode in silence as the 210 turned into the 134. From there we took a southerly course. It was then that the first real rumblings of dread started to bubble up in my stomach. He wasn't really gonna go see Jeff and "settle the score" was he? Had things gotten to this point? Its amazing when you think how fragile the mind can be when a small thing like an average movie on a Monday night can wreak so much havoc. It also occurred to me that Randy was thinking strategically, he was coming in from the Highland Park side instead of the South Pasadena side...the square community wouldn't even know we were coming. There would be NO warning. As we climbed the hill up to the condo, I was trying desperately to get Randy to call this off."C'mon dude, lets just get some Del and have the left over beer from the Super Bowl. You know how long its been since I had some macho nachos? This is trouble we don't need."
"Your Tombstone references aren't going to end this situation and neither is appealing to my fast food nostalgia."
Well that was it, the play had been called, time to protect the quarterback.
Randy seemed calm but confident as we walked up to the door. His knock was firm but not overwhelming. Jeff answered immediately, even before the third knock was finished. Did he know we were coming?
"what took you so long?" Jeff said as he turned his back to us and walked inside. We followed.
"it's time to settle up."
"if we're gonna do this, we have to be quiet, Amanda's asleep."
"Don't worry this won't take long..."
And with that they were at each other. The action was fast and close like the dust ball you see when cartoon characters fight. I was amazed at their ability to anticipate each others moves. Punch, block, kick, duck. It was as if they were the antithesis of one another. But they were learning each others styles and soon the blows started landing. Jeff seemed to have the advantage, he knew the terrain, but Randy held is own by sheer brutal force. He didn't have to maneuver around the lamp or the coffee table he simply punched right through it.
I stood back, I wanted no part of this. If I remember right, I kept saying something like"Alright, you've both made your point, let's just get some beers!" My pleas had no effect. They were in a grapple, a stalemate; and neither was backing down. When they finally broke apart it seemed like an explosion had gone off between them and they burst apart to opposite sides of the room. As Jeff paused for a millisecond to catch his breath, Randy made his move. I could see right away what his plan was. Jeff was standing in front of an open sliding glass door and outside...thar be monsters. Randy used one of those two legged kicks where his whole body is parallel to the ground and caught Jeff right in the sternum. It was enough to put him down...outside. Randy quickly slid the door shut and slammed down on the door lock. As Jeff began to get up, the first of them came. As Jeff realized what was happening the look on his face was something I won't soon forget. He made a move for the door but their numbers were too great and they were coming from the trees and down the hill like a flood. Raccoons. They were everywhere. On top of Jeff all you could see were those little raccoon hands, claws glistening in the moonlight, raining down scratching blows over and over again. The high pitched screaming came in short bursts at first as Jeff tried to roll and thrash around in an effort to shoe them off. It only made them madder. When they pinned his arms the screaming became constant. The last thing I saw was a mess of brown and black fur.
"I can't watch this...lets get out of here." I said.
"Now its over." Randy said as he walked out the door.
Randy, didn't talk the whole way home but that shit eating grin never left his face.
As for Jeff, I'm sure he made it out okay, nothing a few band aids and a little iodine won't take care of.

Last Night Randy Trashed the Applebee's

The night started out innocently enough. We went to see a movie. It was Taken, that new Liam Neeson movie where he tries to be a bad ass. I thought it was okay, but it really seemed to bother Randy. When we left the theatre he just seemed really morose. When I asked him what was wrong he just mumbled something about being "sicka dis shit" and something about "fucking studio system" I let it go, I didn't want to stir him into one of his rages.
"Hey fuck it man, lets go get some beer and mozzarella sticks" I said, trying to change the subject. He grudgingly agreed and being that we were in Monrovia, you know we had to hit up Applebee's.
The beer and appetizer trios were not helping Randy break out of his foul mood. I thought he was maybe just grouchy over having to stay in Boston and extra two days, but this seemed to go deeper. I thought I would let him open up a little bit so I asked the question I now regret ever asking...
"So what was so bad about the movie?" The look he gave me back was one of questioning disgust.
"How can you even ask that question?!" he said in a voice that was 2 decibels above a whisper.
"How can one man be a dopey idiot, buying his daughter a karaoke machine and the next, be like Mr. Bad ass super agent torturer. The Neeson character made no sense! and the simplistic linear plot could have been written by a two year old." he said now clearly not whispering.
"alright calm down", I said.
"I will not calm down! did you see the editing? It was like a kiddie scissor class cut the film up for paper dolls! It made the fight scenes terrible."
I could tell then that we were going down a really dark path and there was no turning back. Randy only makes Jaws references when he's really pissed.
"I've been quiet about this for too long! it's time to speak OUT!"
Before I could ask for the check the waitress was at our table.
"is everything alright?", she asked, knowing it wasn't.
"my friend's just under a lot of stress..." I said.
"Do you like Liam Neeson?" Randy asked the waitress, looking her intensely in the eye.
Here we go again, I thought to myself. Memories of drunken brawls, broken pint glasses, and cold sidewalks flooded in.
She stared back blankly, not knowing how to respond.
"Its a simple question, do you like Liam Neeson?" he said with an impatience now.
"I just saw him in that new movie and I thought he was good..." she said, hoping this was the right answer. It wasn't.
"That's fucking IT!" Randy, now shouting, threw his hands across the table and with a hulk like roar pushed all the food and beer onto the floor. I managed to get out of the way in time, but the waitress had a mixture of Miller lite, ranch dressing and marinara sauce all over her.
"I fucking hate the Hollywood studio system!" Randy said as he kicked the table over. It looked like he was going to grab a chair, but right at that moment two of the male waiters came up behind him and each grabbed an arm and started dragging him toward the door.
"Fuck Applebees and Fuck Hollywood!!" Randy screamed as they dragged him away.
"I'll puke in your fucking restaurant, I'll puke in your fucking restaurant..." he kept screaming.
And then it happened. Just as they were about to get him out the door he managed to get a finger to his mouth and down his throat. He puked all over the floor and all over the two waiters. They immediately let him go and backed away. At that point Randy bolted out the door, so I took my queue to do the same and ran right after him. We got in the car and boned out.
He spent the car ride home hugging himself, rocking back and forth saying under his breath, "I'll kill George Lucas, I'll fucking kill George Lucas..." over and over again.
I wasn't sure how he was making the connection but I knew how he felt. Maybe it's only a matter of time before we all feel the need to tear down a corporate edifice to make our voices heard.
Say what you will about Randy but the dude is passionate about cinema.
I'm just sorry that we probably won't be able to go back to Applebee's

Start Estranged at 4minutes and 32 seconds

I once got in a fight with Axl Rose and won. I'm not talkin about the fat, braided hair, no band havin Axl. I'm talking Welcome to the jungle era, snake walkin Axl. I ran into him at the Whiskey and told him that he put to much fucking Aquanet in his hair. He got all pissed and tried to take a shot at me, but I dodged it. He was so drunk that he fell on the floor. Then I stepped on his neck and said, "Fuck you Axl Rose, you ain't shit." Then he made Use Your Illusion I & II and dedicated the song Estranged to me in the liner notes. After that all was forgiven.

Times are gettin tough

Hey guys it's that Man from the GREAT WHITE NORTH!!! Anyways I have started school and I have to say I'm glad I quit and even more mad that I'm back there. I have 2 classes there which is Digital Photography which is fine and inDesign (kinda like photshop) which is okay too. Including those 2 classes I have Alaska History and English Literature from Fairbanks (I send my homework). Instead of tests or regular homework I get all essay questions. ALL ESSAY QUESTIONS!! 2 Pages each!! I get for English Literature thats okay but for a history class. I thought I could breeze through this but it's a lot harder then I thought originally. The Essay questions are stupid to like compare Alaskan Natives groups. I'm not native I don't know. I read the book and they tell me 2 sentences about them. I cannot transform that into 2 pages. Maybe I'll get better once I get going. But who knows. Maybe I'll get better once I get over my cold. Talk to all you guys later.

Beanie, come back

You don't even belong to me really. I suppose at this point we could say that possesion is 9 tenths of the law, but I think you originally came out of Tim's closet. Either way, I've been wearing you for the better part of 5 years now. Look, I know I was wrong to stray. And you have to understand that other beanie meant nothing to me. It was never right for me and I knew it right away. It was a fling. It was an attempt at something new, but it's over now and I want no part of it. You're the one I care about and your the one that knows me, or my head for that matter, better than anyone. I don't want another beanie and I know now that I never will. I made a mistake and I have to live with it. I don't want to fight, I just want things to be back to the way they were. The weather is getting cold again, can't we take the rest of the winter and make a go of it? You know its you I want and not that other beanie. Its always been you, we were meant for each other.

Potential Movie Screening

Given the dry spell of good movies (see previous post)I have a movie that I've been wanting to screen. It's the highly overlooked Coen Bros. movie called Miller's Crossing. For me, I think its my second or third favorite Coen bros. movie, behind The Big Lebowski and and maybe behind Oh, Brother... (I'm can be swayed in either direction.)
Miller's Crossing is a prohibition era gangster movie. It's a great character piece with a complicated plot. It looks great, having been shot by Barry Sonenfeld, it has a much cleaner look that any of their other movies. Its classic Coen though, dark and funny.
Anyone interested in coming over for a look see? No theme nights or dinner. Just a little artful esacapism.

Bitching about movies

I really like movies, but the time between finding movies that I REALLY like is growing longer all the time. I watched 5 movies today. I fast forward through 3 and gave up on two. I wasn't expecting anything spectacular, but my patience for mediocre movies is really wearing thin.
The first movie was Eagle Eye, it was also the biggest piece of shit of the day. It just plain sucked for too many reasons for me to even want to start listing them. Mostly though, the technological leaps which the audience was asked to take was just too fantastical to be set in the modern times. It would have worked better as a sci-fi movie set in the near future.
The next movie was called The Conversation, its a 70's movie with Gene Hackman and Harrison ford (among others) directed by Francis Ford Coppola. This movie is a throw away. It would have been good as an hour long short film. It supposed to be, I assume, a character study but none of the characters were that engaging. A lot of it was Gene Hackman by himself, so it was easy to just fast forward to the part where there was dialogue. The only interesting thing about this movie is how much it looks like the Royal Tennenbaums. I wonder if that was on purpose.
Next up, an indie movie called Humbolt County. Souless med student meets girl, goes with her to Humbolt, smokes some weed, finds himself. I still haven't finished it. I'm an hour and half in and I feel like I've been watching for 4 hours. Brad Douriff gives a good performance as an old weed smoking gradfather. No other redeeming qualities here. I think I'm just going to abandon it at this point.
Catch me if you Can was on TNT today. Thats a fun movie, not much below the surface, but entertaining enough.
Clockwork Orange. Where does Kubrick get off? I'll never understand why he is so revered. In my mind he has made two good movies, Dr. Strangelove and Full Metal Jacket. The rest is just pretentious crap and I include The Shining in that.
You know what I miss in action thrillers besides engaging characters, the F word. Because movies are made for teenagers now, I can't even her a Fuck or Motherfucker anywhere. so boring.

Pete:

Where's your blog?

Makes No Sense

I would like to take the time to comment about a Southwest Airlines commercial I seen tonight during the Laker-Heat game. By the way the Lakes are up five with about 2 minutes left. Ah shit Beasley just made a trey.. ANYWAY:

In a supermarket parking lot, a man is trying to jimmy open a car door while his wife looks on. He is patient, then harried, and finally frenetic. Losing all patience, the man tells his woman to wait while he fetches a largish rock, which he tosses at the driver-side window, presumably to smash said glass and retrieve his locked-in keys.

Or so we THINK? As the rock bounces harmlessly away and the car alarm sounds, another man walks up to the couple and asks, "What are you doing with my car??" Then the couple realize their car is in the next row of cars.

WTF? This makes no sense, i.e why would the couple think it was their car when in fact their keys....Jesus. Southwest had some funny commercials but this latest installation leaves me baffled. So a la Stan the Man I will give one of you a special No-Prize if you can explain this to me.

ps the Lakers are up 2 with 6.6 left. I would wait to tell you the outcome but the game is going to commercials and besides that's what the news and ESPN is for.

WTF?!?

OK, here is a list of incidents police had to deal with at one business in Susquehanna Township, Pennsylvania during the last year:

Jan. 19, 2007: Theft of cell phone
Feb. 16: Domestic dispute
Feb. 19: Domestic assault; one arrested
Feb. 26: Assault
March 22: Disorderly conduct; one arrested
March 29: Disorderly conduct; two arrested
April 2: Disorderly conduct
April 4: Domestic assault; one arrested
May 10: Disorderly conduct; one arrested
Sept. 9: Theft, assault.
Oct. 3: Domestic assault, simple assault; one arrested
Jan. 3: Disorderly conduct; six arrested

What kind of business attracts the kind of customers that forced twelve visits from the police and thirteen arrests over the last year (which, by the way, was actually down from eighteen response the previous year)?

Sorry, if you guessed some kind of bar, you would be wrong.

The answer is Chuck E. Cheese.

God Bless America.