Return of the Gangsta

Who you gettin crazy Wit Ese'. Don't you know I'm Loco?

Bad news for the Emporer

Bad News for the Emporer

This is the funniest Robot Chicken Skit I've seen in a long time.

Again?!

I have baby birds again on my patio! Are they the same Doves? I'd like to think they are but i can't tell for sure. There are two eggs and they are very good parents. This time though they aren't in my plant, they're next to my plant. They expanded. So i can't wait to have two little babies again. The miracle of life, it's amazing!

My Hero

Remember when you were younger and people always asked you who you hero was. Everyone always has some standard bullshi answer "my mother, she endured 12 hours of labor" "my father he built our tree house in 4 hours and only said fuck 25 times." Crap like that. Well, I have found my hero and she walks among us, her name is Lauri... Whay you ask, well because she's badass. She can do it all!


As you can see she can take shots out of a penis shotglass, and in the same day fix a broken garbage disposal (the garbage disposal incident is another story in its own, for a later time people). This chick rocks!

Stanley Kubrick and the Mysterious Adam Baldwin

Let me just say that Stanley Kubrick only made three watchable films: "The Shining", "Dr. Strangelove" and "Full Metal Jacket". I know, I know, there are film scholars that will tell you that "2001" is the greatest movie ever made. Well I'll get on board if anyone of them can tell me what the fuck happens at the end of the movie. No one knows and no one can make sense of it. In the "poetics" Aristotle set up very simple rules as to what constitutes Literary art. One of those rules was that a story had to have a beginning, and end? As far as I can tell this movie breaks this quite simple convention. Now you can say what you will but if me and Aristotle got a chance to see this movie together we'd agree: "this thing is a piece of shit". BUT "Full Metal Jacket" has one of the est endings I've ever seen. It ends with a troop of Marines walking against the background of a burning city singing the theme song to the Mickey Mos Club. The meeting of soilder and boy have never been portrayed more clearly.
As it happens "Full Metal Jacket" has been on heavy rotation on HBO and I happened to catch the end of it tonight. I just realized that a dude named Adam Baldwin played the character Animal Mother in it. Who's Adam Baldwin you ask? Well he's not one of the Baldwin Brothers, but he was in the recently released movie "Serenity" a spin off of the TV show Firefly where he caught my attention as the most interesting character on the show. The funny thing is this: in Full Metal Jacket Adam Baldwin gets second billing, right between Matthew Modine and Vincent D'Nofrio. It got me thinking about the vagaries of hollywood so I looked him up on IMDB. Just to see what he'd been up to in the 20 year span from "Full Metal Jacket" to "Firefly" the answer: nothing. He's done bit parts in any little TV show that came around for like 15 years before he got a steady paycheck again. Just imagine : going from second billing on a Stanley Kubrick movie to being broke for years on end? Talk about a dream deferred. Hollywood is a cold land .

Red Dragon Checks In

Settling in well in my new appartment and job, although I've never worked in an office before so I wasn't aware of the degree of politics, bitchyness, manipulation and apathy that goes on in these places. fortunatly I'm finding it all entertaining at the moment, and am staying out of the bitching and getting on with everyone. how long this can be maintained i'm not sure. any advise from the ratracers on such issues? On more important, musical issues, I'm going into a studio with some people from my old band on the weekend- if the results are anygood I'll share them with the good people of California. Till next time.

I went to a porn shop...

I went to a porn shop on Sunday. It was my first time in a porn shop. I went with Katie, Lynlee and Emily. I think we were there for at least an hour. They'd all been to porn shops before and the fact that i was the oldest out of all of us and i knew they least was a bit humbling. So there we were, amongst more employees than customers. They had the toys section and then the movies section and a magazine section, even a clearance section. There was a viewing room where at one point a lot of people exited at the same time. There were some creepy men there, a transvestite, and your normal girls and guys. Before we went we had been at the Boat. Knowing that i was going to the sex shop i decided i better have a beer to become more open minded. Since i had a beer i eventually had to pee. Now there's a dilemma, do you use the bathroom at a porn store? I contemplated this for seriously about 30 minutes before i no longer had a choice, i used the restroom at a sex shop. Thankfully it was an awesomely clean restroom. Not to mention, there were female employees there who i'd like to think that even though they work at a sex shop they still have woman demands for a clean bathroom, and i was right. So after checking out all the dildos of the rainbow and all the handcuffs and blowup anything, we finally departed with a black bag full of useful items. Thats right, useful items. Not for ourselves though, for a fun party to be had this weekend. Again, i will need to be FULLY intoxicated for this event. And a good point was brought up at the Boat, at the wildest parties, its the quiet girls who get out of control. Maybe i shouldn't get so drunk after all.

50 minutes

So I have 50 minutes left till I can leave work hence the title. I don't really want to talk/blog about much cause there is not much to blog about. I just want to waste as much as time as possible so instead of sitting staring at my screens I will talk about stuff.
We went to Vegas and although it left me broke I had a great time. Minus the hiccups that hit twice. I usually am smart enough to get rid of them and I usually can. The problem is once I get rid of them I decide to start drinking again and like clockwork BAM! They are back. I mean really is it asking for too much. I think not but that's just my opinion. I lost money, went to a strip club, ate some Filet Mignon, etc. All in all a typical Las Vegas trip a great time. Oh yeah no more Harrah's for me guys.
So I don't know how many of you know this so I am throwing myself out here by admitting it by I have been a member of Match.com for a few months now. Now I have varying degrees of success and failure dating online so I figured I would get back to it. Well for a while it was a waste of money and time cause I was getting nothing. Then Lauri and Sheila in one of their schkeming instances decided to fix up my profile. I of course allowed them to because writing about myself not a strong suit of mine. Responses didn't start pouring like I had hoped so I just left it hanging around. Then a few winks/emails came in and I responded but then as always I left too many days in between and they cooled on me. So again I had nothing then about a month ago something weird happened. For some odd reason I have been getting winks and messages daily from random people. Now the majority were not anybody I would go out with because surprisingly I have standards and looks are important to me. Then one day I got a wink from a girl who was not bad not great but not bad, Average I guess. So I started communicating with her we have gone out on 2 dates now and they went good. Good enough that she was making out with me on our 2nd date. I usually wait for 3 but what was I gonna do not kiss her. Anyway this is where it gets tricky. This was before I went to Vegas. So I get back I email her but I get nothing back in the meantime I get a wink from this other girl. Now the 1st girl was average this new girl was hot. I think at least. So I start communicating with her now. The first girl eventually wrote back. Now I am in a bind there is the first girl who obviously feels we have something unless she randomly makes out with guys on 2nd dates, a possibility? There is the second girl who I am totally digging on right now and would love to go out with and have more in common with. So what do I do? I just don't know I am so confused.
Things at work have gotten really strained. There is a guy here who is causing problems and people are not happy with that. This job is all about getting your work done and not making waves this guy is doing neither. I don't want to get too in detail about this till the outcome is decided. He is threatening taking certain actions against fellow employees who leave work early without clocking out. Like I said more on this to come. BTW this only happens on weekends.
My apartment is really hot. It is like living in a sauna. It is uncomfortable in every way sitting, laying, standing it doesn't matter the sweat still collects and makes living in that apartment very uncomfortable. The AC unit blows about as much cold air as the refrigerator and doesn't travel well. So the only way to stay cool is to stand in front of the damn thing. This is not very efficient cooling. But nothing I can do. Pete says move out. He is under the impression that I get paid well and can afford another place. He is mistaken.
Well I only that 13 minutes or so left sop I am gonna jam because this blog was lame and really a good waste of time. Not too entertaining I understand sorry I will try to do better next time. BTW I am open to any comments about the girl dilemma. Talk to you soon. LATERS!!

A Thank you to Governor Reagan for Freeing the Lunatics

Sometimes, I get to work in that speacial time of the morning. Sundays, 7am. It that time when the lunatics of Pasadena are the only ones out and about and are free to roam the streets, talking to themselves, singing to themselves, taking naps in front of the post office, asking me for dollars and if its an especially luck day...dropping dueces in front of my office door. (Today was not one of those days thankfully.) Its like lunatic paradise out there. Even if someone looks perfectly normal...watchout! They know that if they dress nice you might give them a dollar. Normally, I hide in my office and let the lunatics have their time in the sun. But today, hung over and needing Gatorade, I ventured out. I began to think that if I was the only sane one on the street then perhaps that made me the "Insane" one in this context. Sanity is all matters of degree and perception. And let me say this the doors of perception are open!

I Shocked Myself

I don't mean that I shocked myself, like a surprised myself somehow, no, I electrocuted myself. Not on purpose, but not so much of an accident that I couldn't have avoided it, by not acting like an idiot. This actually happened awhile ago so if your heard this story...just go fuck off and read somebody else's post.
So anyway a couple of weeks ago we had this show called the International Gift and Jewelery show; which is a fancy name for a small swap meet where you can buy pirated music CD's, fake jewelry, crappy DVD players and camcorders with menus in Chinese, and of course, various illegal items of mischief like Ninja Stars, Daggers, Tasers, and yes cattle prods. Now my co-worker Martin, being of sound mind but having no girlfriend to look at him disapprovingly, decided he couldn't live without the $20 cattle prod. What were his intentions for this cattle prod? I felt the less I know about that the better. So he bought and left it in the office until the end of his shift. Like any good big boy with a toy he encouraged me to give it a try. You know, not shock anybody, just get spark going. So, by myself thank god, I gave that sucker a charge and pressed down on the trigger. I was rewarded with a nice arcing blue spark from the electrodes at the tip. "Cool" I thought, "but thats enough for me" So I then I notice a little warning label on the side that says after you use it, you should touh it to something metal to get rid of any remaining charge. So my cubicle has a metal frame so I thouch it to the metal and nothing happened "no charge left" I thought. Then, as I'm putting this thing back in the Canvas case it came with, one hand at the bottom of the case to steady it...BAM! a nice big electric shock right through the case. That son of a bitch HURT! If you were a cattle it would defintely get you going in the right direction. Of course, like 5 seconds after it happened the security officer walked into the office as I'm cradling my wounded hand. "What happened?" he asked knowingly, "Nothing!" I replied. Thankfully he let it go at that.
The Lesson learned here:
Theres a reason its illegal to sell those things to Joe Schmoe off the street. On a side note, I often wonder how often Martin has "accidently" shocked himself using that thing. I never did warn him about it.

VEGAS, BABY, VEGAS

That's right today is the day we are going to Vegas everyone be prepared for debauchery previously unreachable of except maybe by Joe.

Congratulations to the Brave and Mighty Trail Racers

The Suspense is Killing Me

The world waits with breath held, Did Joe get his license in the mail?

couple of things...

First, and the most important:
Tom informed me last night that there is a mandatory meeting on May 28, 2006 at 4pm. This meeting will take place at the Mai Tai bar (if you need directions, don't bother).

Secondly, the following pain in the ass story is true and could only happen to me. So, I was having a problem with my new phone (it keep shutting off, and I was misssing important calls, yeah right). So, I called to get another phone to replace the wacky phone that was causing so much stress in my life. My phone company agreed to send this new phone because mine is still under warranty (I neglected to mention that it had been dropped on more than one occasion). And, I get this new cool phone, and guess what?
Yup, you guessed it. The shit didn't work! What the fuck. That is so my luck! But, my luck is about to change, I can feel it. I will win lots'o'cash in Vegas...I know it.

Thirdly, I wonder if Joe got his new license in the mail today? I hope so.

VEGAS!

A place where the beer flows like wine and beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano

Two Beers and no Idea

I hate this blank page that blogger gives you to start your posts. So devoid of color, devoid of inspiration. Anybody go out and buy the new Chili Peppers album yet? It not all good but there are some inspiring moments on there. I think I've mentioned this already. Honestly though if you don't own Kings of Leon "Aha Shake Heartbreak" you're really missing out. This is the album I swore I would never buy form iTunes because the CD I bought wouldn't let me rip it, but this is really a CD I don't want to be without so I've bought it now...twice. My favorite line from this album is in the last track called "Rememo" it goes like this: "I'm overdue another round/to gain control and take me down." So there that is.














FUUUUUUUUUUUUCk I can't think of a goddamn thing to write about. Words once poured out of me on this blog. I think I've have emptied the contents of my mind. Maybe a beer would help. Beer helps many things. I think I'm gonna go crack one. At the very least it will cool my sweating brow. Be right back
(Pause for dramatic affect)














Thats much better. "This beer is delicious but its so filling!" Lauri just walked in and gave me a rash of shit for taking pictures of myself and posting them. And I quote "Did you really want that beer or did you just want to take a picture of yourself with it?" Thanks Lauri now you got me asking myself that very same question. Well no matter, the beer is cracked so its me and him to the bitter end. I thought I might expound on the various mundanities of life inside the Rat Race, but its been done hasn't it? It all seems so far away from me and my beer anyway. I don't have much to complain about. If I get sick of sitting at my desk, I just walk away from it for an hour or two, say I'm tendng to my events and no one is the wiser. It can be quite exciting at times. Just ask Emily, she got a taste of the life of an Event Manager back in April. Any how...
So I guess I never answered my own prompt about what album inspired my youth and where I was when I first heard Dr. Dre's "The Chronic" On a side note if you go back to that post, you will see that Owen has never heard the Chronic. How he managed to become a functioning memeber of society without ever being exposed to the Chronic I'm not sure, but I'm sure going to remember my deprived friends across the pond the next time I listen to some Gansta Rap. By the way Owen if your reading this, you must get some Rap into your rotation. May I recomend: Dr Dre's "The Chronic" 2pac's "All Eyez on Me" GangStarr's "Moment of Truth" I don't want you to go all Ali G on us, but you at least need to give it a shot.
Anyway so back to me. The first time I heard the Chronic was in my friend Adrians Lexus on the way to a PHS Basketball game. It was different than any other rap I'd heard before that. the most influential album of my Youth youth, was Social Distortion's self titled album , the one with "Ball and Chain" on it. And I know I'm dating myself but its true.

This beer is done.














Do I stop? Its ten O'clock, I have to go to bed, but I don't wanna. I just wanna keep drinking and writing. I think I'll have another one and then decide what to do after that. I always make better decisions after the second beer any way. Be right Back.
(Pause for Dramatic Effect)














I switched to glass. I think a cold PBR goes down mighty smooth in a nice cold pint glass don't you?
So even though I'm on myspace now, I don't really care for it. I get bombarded with ads everytime I'm on there and I can't check it at wor because they have those obnoxious dating service ads witht he scantily clad women. Did you know that at Albertsons and Ralphs a 12 pack of PBR can be purchased for $5.99. They pay so little respect to the PBR. They treat it like Keystone Light or something. Don't they know that PBR won a blue ribbon in the 1834 world's fair? Well their ignorance is my gain. Well I'm gonna end here. The ideas just aren't flowing as fast as the beer.

Perma-Buzzed

Now I remember Why I quit drinking for a month. See, my mind wanted a beer so bad it made me forget. Cottonmouth, acid reflux, general malaise, mood swings, swollen face, and sore dry ass crack(from beer, shits, and anal leakage...). There's only one answer to all these ailments I just have to figure out how to pull it off: Stay drunk all the time. Work fucked-up, play smashed, shower hammered, go to sleep three sheets to the wind, and wake up shit -faced. A flask in the desk drawer and a beer in the toilet tank. I can do it. I can do anything I set my mind to. Don't doubt me, I'm a go getter.

5 more days...

If you aren't excited enough about Vegas coming up, then check out the IP's website for the Vegas cams that are in the casino, out front, and on the street. Its pretty cool!

Having a job is ridiculous.