My submission: No, not paper!

The following it true

It is perfectly natural to have phobias. Whether it’s spiders, snakes, or clowns, we all have fears. And, those who claim to not fear anything are not only liars, but are obviously afraid that we’ll think they’re a wuss if we know. The degree of fear which one has depends on the individual, but some people are just more afraid that others. Take for instance myself; I am terribly scared of heights. Let me just tell you, vertigo is not cool!
But, this is not about me. This is about a friend of mine, who for embarrassment we will call Amanda. So it came to my attention that she is a paper cut phobe. I know what you’re thinking, “who wouldn’t be afraid of paper cuts, they suck.” I will agree paper cuts do suck. I don’t find them pleasant, but I do not fear them. And when I say that she is afraid, I mean the girl is absolutely terrified of them. Just saying “paper cut” will send her over the edge. She says that her boyfriend likes to tease her by chasing her around with pieces of paper. I never really thought of paper as something to run from. Who knew? I bet she has nightmares about them. I should ask her if she’s ever had a dream where a giant sheet of paper chases her.
As I laughed hysterically while she confided in me about her phobia, I could see the terror build in her face. By the way, there wasn’t any paper around us when this happened. I could tell that she was truly scared. She got goose bumps, just talking about paper cuts. She proceeded to recall the fear that overcame her when she saw the movie Jackass, in which grown men give themselves paper cuts between their fingers, toes, and the clincher on their lips. Gross! Yes, I found this scene disturbing too. But, seriously she was traumatized.
I mentioned to poor paper cut phobic Amanda that she should look for a new job, because as a teacher she is a high risk profession for paper cuts. All those papers turned in, and all that homework. She I going to encounter so so many sheets of paper this year alone. Oh the terror. Has anyone ever heard of this kind of thing? Terrified of paper cuts that is? Granted, I don’t like them, nor do I think anyone does. But really, who gets excited when they get a paper cut? It’s not like it’s a five bucks that you find on the ground. Now that is something to be excited about.
From here she proceeded to explain the degree of sharpness of different types of paper. Before that moment, I would have never thought of paper as sharp. Who the hell says “wow that paper looks sharp. Dangerous even.” For example, she mentioned the paper that painters put down. She claimed that this is the sharpest of the evil paper, and that it should be handled with the utmost care. I’ve always thought of paper as useful, or important, but never dangerous or evil. At this point I had had enough of the paper cut nonsense.
This has been a cautionary tale. Be warned that people have phobias. And for everyone there is a person somewhere (maybe your friend) that is scared of it. Also, remember that paper can be evil and induce terror.