A shitty experience (pun intended)

Don't you hate it when you just have to crap in a public place. Like a bar where the urinals are always being used and there is only one stall. You want to hold it in but your body says, "No, we're gettin' rid of this and right now." You know if its that urgent that its gonna be bad. So there you are a thin piece of plywood separating you and 5 drunk dudes. You concentrate all your power on making this silent... its not gonna happen. You concentrate like Luke Skywalker trying to get his X-wing out of the swamp. But like Luke, you find its just too difficult. You rip one... a loud one. Better to get it all out right here right now than to have to make a return trip. The sounds from that stall are so bad you now have to wait until everyone leaves before coming out because you can't show your face after that. You'll be the dude that tore up the bathroom. Your identity must remain a secret. You are the mystery crapper.